The Stars in My Eyes Shine for You
by arithmadick2-0
Summary: They remember the moments that made them them, both as individuals, and together. TW: Mentions of abuse and suicide, no graphic descriptions.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's so glad to be writing again, enjoy :)

Happy's an early riser, it's always been that way, since she was little. She liked waking up early because it gave her the only few moments of peace and quiet she would have in a day; before her abusive foster parents would wake and start screaming and the school kids started to taunt her. The teachers all gave her sympathetic smiles but did nothing to help and she figured out quickly that she couldn't expect them to, expect anyone to. She didn't go to bed late, by the end of the day she was too tired of existing in such a painful way that she just wanted it all to be over and sleep granted her that. Now, every morning she'll wake and turn to the side, listening to Toby's light snores. And the days she doesn't get up she curls into him as close as can be, seeking his warmth and love.

Toby, on the other hand, found that waking up before the sun has risen was a crime and no one needed to be awake at such hellish hours. His dad, when he was present, would make sure he was up at 7 for school. On the good days, his mom would've made breakfast and his lunch and they'd send him to the bus with a kiss on the cheek. He'd be smiling and happy to be awake, happy for his life to seem like it was normal for even a short amount of time. On the bad days, he'd get himself up whenever and run to school, no breakfast, no kisses, he wouldn't have even seen his parents. Both days, he'd come home and do his work, either eat dinner or make it, and make sure to tell his parents that he loved them so, so much before going to bed, either glad it was a good day or drained from the bad. They say some things never change and this is one of them. When Happy tries to wake him up so early he groans and even when it's a reasonable hour, he insists on ten more minutes before functioning. She has his coffee made and says she's showering. But, the rare times he's up before her, he can't contain his smile at her figure tucked against his like two perfect little puzzle pieces.

* * *

Happy always found exercise to be a release. Whether it was running a mile or lifting weights, the effort to focus on her workout always cleared her mind of the fog and made her feel better. In high school it helped keep her wild and unruly emotions in check. Some nights she'd stay until 6 o'clock working out in the weight room and getting special permission to use one of the heavy bags. She used old boxing gloves she found and would kick and punch until her ankles were purple and her brow drenched with sweat. After cleaning up she'd run home, try to sneak in and hope it worked, and scurry upstairs to take a shower. She realized the joy of exercise wears off if you're immediately thrown into another shitty environment that makes you angry and frustrated and depressed. She exercises just as much today, will run when she wakes up and do yoga before her shower only to do another small workout that night. Sometimes, she'll convince Toby to join her, otherwise he watches in awe at how her body moves in such ways.

Toby reads like a fiend and has since he was a child. It's something that he vividly remembers both of his parents helping him with and it's one of the few moments he smiles at. They'd read with him, or to him, and when his mother started to slip he'd pick their favorite book and read it to her while holding her hand. His father loved books about medicine and mixed with a want to help his parents, it peaked his interest in becoming a doctor. He read everything from journals to poetry books, and he still has copies of his parents favorites in the bookshelf in his apartment. They're old and tattered but his.

* * *

Happy doesn't regret not going to college, nor does she regret getting her GED at 16. Between her foster parents' beatings and the school kids' whispers of her, she found one person she felt she could trust: her shop teacher. She knew she'd be leaving that school soon anyway, she'd have to tell her social worker and even if she didn't she'd see the bruises and remove her, likely to some place worse. But she did like this school despite it all. She found it to be a place where everything was said behind her back and not in a way that forced her into a fight. Happy knew she wanted and needed a high school education. That even though her mechanics would take her very far, some shops wouldn't hire her without something to show for her education. Having her GED was something she's grateful for. After having moved, she worked near constantly and saved every penny she made. Happy didn't know if she was going to college, and after being hired to a very nice shop decided not to, but knew she needed money because one day, she'd have something of her own. Years later she thinks she made the right choice, or at least the smartest choice at the time, and can't complain about her life today with Toby at her side.

Toby looks back and can't believe they whisked him away to Harvard at a such a young age, nor can he decide if he made the right decision. His father was the one who pushed him to do it, telling him they always knew he was smart and that this was a gift from God to him. He was pleased to make his parents proud and when he left they wrote one another every day, sending and receiving letters so constantly it's almost like they were all still together. They'd send him new books to read. The other, older college kids didn't know what to make of him but he tried so hard and they could tell he was smart. Despite that, Toby couldn't drive or work. His scholarship provided him with plenty of opportunity and by the time he got to residency he asked to be moved to a hospital near back home, it's all he wished for. Seeing his parents for more than a few weeks at a time was glorious and although he had to get used to the good and bad days again, he couldn't let them go sometimes he was so overcome with emotion for them. Today's Toby still fights with himself over if he should have gone away so young. But he decides his course of action was right based on what he has now, and who's with him now.

* * *

Happy can remember what they'd say to her like it was yesterday. The beatings were always bad, no matter if it was over a forgotten chore or sneaking in late. They ended with a bruised and bloody Happy and smug looking parents. But none of what they did compared to what they'd tell her. She remembered 'you're lucky to not be dead, you bastard little runt' for weeks to come. Sometimes something will be so strong it pulls her back to those times when she was quivering, choking for air, and unable to fight back to their hands and words. A smell that makes her sit up straight or the way a person looks to make her shrink back. Toby notices, he doesn't always ask, but he'll take her hand and hold it tight.

The worst memory Toby has is one of the last. His parents were getting worse at such a rate and he knew he'd never be prepared to say goodbye to them. But when his mother passed and his father took his own life soon after, Toby was lost. Everything was left to him but he was only fifteen and had no idea what to do. He couldn't pay bills or keep up the house and despite his genius he'd never felt like such a kid in his life. It was one of the very few times Toby prayed as he tried to settle his mind and make the best decisions for his parents. He gave them the best memorial he could, had them cremated and hung pictures and works they made. His father's friends came and spoke and some women from the neighborhood took care of him the best they could. He only kept a few things of theirs, his mother's jewelry and any of his father's medical supplies, a tie and a picture of his mother. Among other things, he wanted the books, the ones they shared. He says it doesn't bother him anymore but Happy sees the facade crack around the anniversaries and she holds him tighter in bed, whispering how she loves him more often, and telling him that she's not going anywhere.

* * *

Walter finds her at a car show and can tell from talking to her for a few minutes a few things: she hates being judged, that's why she allowed someone else the credit for her work but collects the money, she's guarded, and a genius. He mostly knows the latter of the facts because she introduced herself as one when he let that part of himself slip out to her as well. He offers her a job after she agrees to a short interview and trip around the garage and she thinks that maybe she's finally found a place. Despite her age, she's got the most common sense out of her and the two men, Walter and a Mark who she's wary of. She does her work quickly and efficiently, works on improving the garage and spats with Mark when he degrades her for her lesser IQ or because she's a woman. He's the first person she wants to punch that she gets the opportunity to, but not the last. Years pass before Walter brings in some drunk that she meets as he slurs out a hungover 'hello' to her the morning after. Questioning Walter doesn't bring many answers so she does some digging herself and finds that this lanky, pale addict is a genius as well. She doesn't imagine she'll fall in love with him, she isn't looking to and he's in an engagement anyway, albeit its later failure. Later, after explosions and more run-ins with the clinically unwell Mark Collins, she's found that her favorite nickname for him is Doc and that she prefers him being a large part of her life rather than being alone.

Walter remembers finding Toby but Toby doesn't remember being found. He remembers waking up the next day and saying hello to a pretty young woman with jet black hair and glowing tan skin and in that moment he couldn't decipher if she were real or not. Once he gets up and moving, a man wearing a nice tie with curly hair, Walter, takes him upstairs to talk and explains the night before. Toby was drunk at a table and he pulled him out of the bar before a mob of angry old bald men beat him to a pulp out back. He tells the older that he doesn't know if he owes anyone anything but he found from his wallet enough to look him up and he wants to interview him for a job. Toby takes the opportunity, glad to have a second job lined up for some extra income with his psychiatry office having too few clients to feel like he's really helping anyone. After accepting the job, and becoming familiar with a cold mechanic and jackass other genius, he wants to make this place a permanent for himself, something he won't screw up. Over time, he realizes Happy's helping him do that every time she cleans his drunken and bruised body and drives him home, straight into a screaming match with his ex-fiancee. He knows that he owes a lot to Happy, but finds the best way to pay her back is to just stand by her and love her, which is something that he feels he can do. Being something permanent in her life is what both of them.

* * *

Happy and Toby both know that they need one another. It's something they try to deny up until they can't, until they're saving each other from gunshots and kissing behind closed doors, away from anyone who would know. At times it's hard for them to process, needing someone who needs them just as much, but it doesn't take long for them to figure out that they're much stronger together than apart. Happy likes the security Toby brings and he lives for growing with her throughout their lives. There's bumps in the roads, big and small, but they choose not to give up on each other even when they give up on themselves and that's what makes them work, knowing they have someone to be strong when they can't, to fall back on. The pair takes better care of one another than anyone ever has and they find a quiet comfort in rehashing their struggles and terrors to the other, knowing they won't be judged. There's days where neither can find a ray of light in anything besides the other, when they can't see the point in continuing to do the world's most dangerous job before they see the other giving them a small smile and feel safe again. They find that there's good days and bad days with each other but as long as it's with the other, no one else, they can be okay. They will be okay.


End file.
